Women and Words

[Tourmeister]

WORDS WOMEN USE
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "Fine" to describe how a women looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING
This means "something", and you should be on your toes.
"Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards.
"Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end in "Fine"

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a women getting upset over "Nothing" and will end in the word "Fine"

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care."
You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

GO AHEAD
At some point in the near, future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men.
A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here arguing with you over "Nothing"

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is not to move or breathe and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow"

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A women is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"

THANKS
A women is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're
welcome.

THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A women will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh" as she will only tell you "Nothing..."

[Tourmeister]

We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

2. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

3. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

4. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

5. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

6. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

7. Crying is blackmail.

8. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

9. We don't remember dates or mark birthdays and anniversaries on the calendar.
Remind us frequently beforehand.

10. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd
be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

11. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

12. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

13. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

14. Check your oil! Please.

15. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

16. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

17. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

18. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

19. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

20. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

21. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

22. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it.

23. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

24. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

25. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

26. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

27. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

28. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

29. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

30. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

31. You have enough clothes.

32. You have too many shoes.

33. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

34. A TV remote control is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

35. I AM in shape. ROUND is a shape.

36. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping

[VFRinAustin]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

That was great, but Scott, you do realize that all of us that have wives/SO that might read this will now "be sleeping on the couch tonight".

Cant we all just get along :bigokay:

[Tourmeister]

Sure, but my wife has a sense of humor :-) Of course, I have yet to decipher it :|

[solocodes]

Alert Alert Alert
We have another major holiday coming up, MOTHER'S DAY do not forget it, or you will be in the doghouse with wife/SO and or mothers.

[scratch]

Thanks for the heads-up, solocodes. Dare say that Mother's Day is THE most important holiday on the calendar. ;-)

Good stuff, Scott! :thumb:

[Loyd]

Well then, being one of the few, the proud, the hungry...single folks. I'll simply say thank you for the grin. There do be truth in them words.

[Tracker]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

That was great, but Scott, you do realize that all of us that have wives/SO that might read this will now "be sleeping on the couch tonight".

Cant we all just get along :bigokay:

that is why the guys should always buy the couch.

[Sleepy Weasel]

Dare say that Mother's Day is THE most important holiday on the calendar. ;-)

Is she watching you right now? If you can't talk, just nod...
:lol2:

[scratch]

:help: ;-)

Nah, unfortunately I haven't been able to convince either of my parents to join the rest of the world and learn how to use a computer. My sister and I even bought them a PC and a DSL connection a couple of years ago, but they never got the hang of it and it just sits there collecting dust now. :-?

[Sleepy Weasel]

:help: ;-)

Nah, unfortunately I haven't been able to convince either of my parents to join the rest of the world and learn how to use a computer. My sister and I even bought them a PC and a DSL connection a couple of years ago, but they never got the hang of it and it just sits there collecting dust now. :-?

Ah, like the PC we gave my grandparents in FL several years ago. Grandma used it to type her letters, which she would then print and stick in an envelope.

[bushwhacker]

WORDS WOMEN USE
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "Fine" to describe how a women looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.



Depends on whether you use just the word or put it correctly in a sentence!


Wrong -

Woman: How do I look?

Man: Fine.

Right -

Woman: How do I look?

Man: Sweetheart, you are one fine looking woman!

They just do not like one word answers.

Both guys told her she looked fine but, as far as she is concerned, one guy insulted her and one guy complimented her.

-

[STrider]

What NOT to say to a pregnant woman:

When walking around the zoo because you heard a long walk will induce labor, and approaching the sign that reads "Hippo Feeding at 1:00", don't say "dang, we just missed it"

When she has to back up for some reason, don't say "beep, beep, beep..."

I thought these were HILARIOUS. I was wrong.

[scratch]

:rofl:

If it's any consolation Matt, that's pretty funny now! ;-)

[Sleepy Weasel]

When she has to back up for some reason, don't say "beep, beep, beep..."

So I guess buying her a belt with reverse lights is a bad idea, too?

[Justme]

That's too funny guys!!!!!!!!!!!

Best regards,

Tina

[1TallTXn]

Thanks Scott!! :rofl:

I'm single, so I'm taking notes :angel:

[Gilk51]

I'm single, so I'm taking notes :angel:
and you think that will help? :rofl:

[1TallTXn]

I doubt it will, after all I am still 100% guy, therefore terrible at dealing with women! :rofl: :lol2:

[Tourmeister]

Man... a three year old post got revived... :brainsnap How did you ever come across this one Solocodes?

[scratch]

Must have missed it the first time around, but it's still funny stuff. :clap:

[Red Brown]

Sure, but my wife has a sense of humor :-) Of course, I have yet to decipher it :|

Actually, I was talking to a seasoned salesperson at Woods Honda in Austin. He said they have quite a few cycle purchases in which the husband did not consult the wife about the new bike.

A significant number of bikes are returned the next day after the initial purchase. The depressed guys are waiting with the keys the next day and almost sobbing telling them the wifely forces won't let them have the motorcycle.

I did not know this happens so often in other parts of Texas. I guess when you have a rash of accidents on bikes, explained by the media in such in tainted way, it jades the non-riding public. Almost always, I get approached by various people after an motorcycle accident somewhere in Texas by "did you hear about.....doesn't that scare you!?".....

What about all those automobile accidents that go unreported?

Red

[STrider]

Wilson's Motorcycles in Fresno, Ca had one of the scrolling LED signs that read:

"We called your wife. She said it's OK!"

[Hotboot]

Words are like alotted cellular minutes.
Guys try to conserve, gals are always going over their daily limit.

:scott:

[Big Bandit]

I read somewhere that the average woman speaks like 3-4 times as many words per day as the average man. The theory is that we are not that far removed from our days as hunters and gatherers. Men did most of the hunting, women did most of the gathering. Plants can not run away. Therefore the women could talk all they wanted to and it helped pass the time. However, talkative hunters were not normally successful and either died or had fewer opportuniites to reproduce. Hey, some chicks just dig guys who can provide.

[Justme]

I read somewhere that the average woman speaks like 3-4 times as many words per day as the average man. The theory is that we are not that far removed from our days as hunters and gatherers. Men did most of the hunting, women did most of the gathering. Plants can not run away. Therefore the women could talk all they wanted to and it helped pass the time. However, talkative hunters were not normally successful and either died or had fewer opportuniites to reproduce. Hey, some chicks just dig guys who can provide.


"Chicks" do "dig" guys that can provide. We generally like the strong type, however, silence is not always a good thing. Then again, sometimes it is golden as the old adage goes. We run our mouths enough to make up for you guys, so that's life I suppose. Ask TexZilla......hee hee. :rofl:

Tina

[Chatterbox]

One rule guys should never forget: Women can and will change their minds - especially on their "rules" !

Just ask Chris - if he's learned nothing else in the last 28 years, he's learned that rule! :lol2:

[leekellerking]

WORDS WOMEN USE
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "Fine" to describe how a women looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.



Never, never, never use this word as a response when a woman asks you "What do you think of this dress."


Lee
(Older but wiser)

[1TallTXn]

A friend of mine came up with a thought awhile ago.

If she asks you how she looks in a dress before going somewhere, respond with something to the effect of "why don't we ask the people at (insert destination here)" :rofl:

He's still single BTW :rofl:

[Texas T]

Why I'm on my second marriage...

Why we split up:

She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit.

Then I caught her spending $65.00 on make-up.

And I asked how come I had to give up stuff and she didn't.

She said she needed the make-up to look pretty for me.

I told her that was what the beer was for.

[bushwhacker]

Why I'm on my second marriage...

Why we split up:

She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit.

Then I caught her spending $65.00 on make-up.

And I asked how come I had to give up stuff and she didn't.

She said she needed the make-up to look pretty for me.

I told her that was what the beer was for.

This is PU - Politically Uncorrect so skip it if you are offended.

What is the difference between a dog and a fox?

A six pack!

=

[Loyd]

One rule guys should never forget: Women can and will change their minds - especially on their "rules" !

Just ask Chris - if he's learned nothing else in the last 28 years, he's learned that rule! :lol2:


Ayup. Women are like geese, wake up in a new world every day.:-P