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The Great Texas Grasshopper Kamikaze (kinda Long)

Joined
Mar 1, 2003
Messages
585
Reaction score
3
Location
Garland, TX
First Name
Larry
Last Name
Gates
This little story summarizes up my first big trip, all within the first 100 miles.

I had just moved to Texas in the winter of 1979, so I neither understood the word “hot” as in, “Is it hot enough for you? Hang around a while, we’re fixin’ (is that a word?) to cook up some eggs on this here sidewalk!”, nor did I understand that a grasshopper is a deadly weapon and has a mind all it’s own.

I bought my first official new (as in from a dealer) motorcycle in the summer of 1979, a brand new Yamamamamaha XS850, a 3 cylinder, air cooled, shaft driven, triple disk braked sport touring machine, about 2” too tall for me, but that does not count when you’re moving.

Well about March of 1980, it was already 85 degrees in the shade and I started going everywhere on my bike. It was so pretty, all black and aluminum. And with my new black helmet from Arai, with the aftermarket flip-up visor so you can talk and such other stupidity, a gift from the dealer for buying his death machine. Well by April I had figured out that rocks and sand off the road in Texas are everywhere, and it hurts when a truck picks up a pebble and throws it right at you at 80 MPH (we all know those trucks won’t do over 65, SURE THEY WON’T). So I hunted around for a fairing or something that would fit my image (duh uh) and wound up in Ft. Worth buying a Krauser Sport Cockpit. Oh, you haven’t heard of that one, let me tell you all about it. They were all the rage in Europe, just right for the little Beemer. 2 mirrors attached to a little fairing just big enough for a headlight and a sport windshield and a radio. I had everything I needed. Came up to about my chin when I replaced the handlebars with superbike bars. See I like to lean forward, it takes the weight off my back, which I need. But that’s another story (gotta save a few for later).

So I have my new sport fairing and sport handlebars, I am so COOOOOL. Went for a trip up to Amarillo. Left here at 5 AM (why so early, she whined). Weather was great and down in those little valleys, it was nice and cool yet. Well by 11 AM, the cool was gone. How hot was it? **** hot! Hotter than a freshly polished aluminum muffler after a 30 minute quick ride on the bare skin under the calf of a shapely 16 year old, that’s how hot! SO just past the Dairy Queen just south of Wichita Falls on Hwy 289 is the most interesting phenomenon. The prevailing wind (why do they say prevailing, it never stops) up there is west to east, right across the road. Right at that point there a 3 grain silos on the west side of the road. So here is this line of bikes (4 in all, single file) going north at about 70, with the wind pushing everyone to the right, so we’re all leaning left. Went past the silos and everyone translates to the right about 3’ and back again right after. Such a pretty little S curve, just like out of Tron, that wonderbust from Disney that has some of the neatest motorcycle fantasy scenes ever created.

Than I see him, just sitting on the highway, playing chicken with me, the grandpa of all Texas Grasshoppers. He was a little hungry, I could tell by the way he tensed up as I approached, you know, kind of like cocking the gun, and saying “I dare you”. Well how was I to know, I’m not from Texas. Grasshoppers to me run from everything, they don’t challenge buses, rip off mirrors, and run the junkyard dog out of town. Well, I see him from an easy 100’, but I think, surely he won’t move now! I’m the 3rd in line and he hasn’t even flinched at the first 2.

Surprise, here he comes. Tachyphasia sets in, and everything goes in slow motion. Can’t steer away, only so much road. Can’t brake, someone behind me and they will never believe I braked for a grasshopper, even if he’s 4’ long, has green and yellow bobby socks on, is picking his teeth with cow bones, weighs 80 lbs. and is looking to eat my new bike. By now we’re approaching each other at around 100, and he is not chickening out. Now I’m praying, get altitude, get altitude. He did.

Just missed the top of the windshield, you know, the one that’s just below my chin.

But not enough to actually hit the stupid flip up visor. NO, that would have been too easy.

Did I ever tell you that those Texas grasshoppers are a little sweet? Yep, right into the closed mouth. Strained through the lips. Almost knocked me off the bike.

But, on the good side, I wasn’t hungry again for 2 days. Don’t know why?

Yep, just love it.
 
Dragonflies!

Howdy,

Now thatw as funny. especially because I had a similar experience with one of those massive stink bugs. It hit the helmet vent right below the visor. It's vitals ran all up inside the vent. To this day, when water gets in there, it still smells funky! :puke:

The worst though are the Dragonflies. Some of them are as big a birds! And let's just say they have a LOT of internals! And they hurt too, even through a padded jacket and liner!

Then there was this wood owl on FM 149 at 75 mph...

Adios,
 
buck000 said:
Further justification for my wearing a FF helmet and armored gear head-to-toe. :D

No joke. Weekend before last on a ride in the hico/glenrose area, something ricocheted off my faceshield. Didn't see any scratches at the time, but I thought it must have hit there. When I got home and looked, there's a big paint chip out of my shoei beteen the visor and the breathing vents. I've never had a helmet chipped before and I've been hit by lots of stuff. Of course, this is my new Shoei Z-II that I just got in November. :angryfir:

Anyway, if I hadn't been wearing a helmet, I'm convinced I would have at least lost a tooth.

As for helmet + head-to-toe gear, I got hit by gravel from an oncoming car in the throat one time. The one small part of me that wasn't covered. That hurt like a little sonofawhore and the welt didn't go away for days. :cry:
 
flying gravel

Howdy,

Last June we were hauling booty down one of the many awesome highways in Colorado. A large truck weny by in the oncoming lane. A rock hit me on the left foot right at the knuckle for the big toe. I was doing about 85mph and he was maybe doing 70mph. The impact knocked my foot off the peg and my entire leg backwards. By the time I pulled over and got my boot off, the toe was already turning ugly colors and swelling. I put my boot back on and kept riding. The boot is snug enough that I think it helped control the swelling. The joint was sore for a good eight weeks afterwards. The boot (SIDI GT Sympatex) is even extra thick right there because it is has a shifting reinforcing patch of leather.

I immediately thought of all those riders that don't wear helmets... That would have probably taken me out and caused at least me to wreck, no telling about the folks following behind.

Adios,
 
Great story, VFR!

The grasshoppers in these parts aren't quite so intimidating, but they can still get your attention. A couple of years back, I was flying down Highway 50 along the Brazos bottom and ran through a patch of 'hoppers that were swarming across the road. A bunch of them jumped up at my approach, and smacked me pretty good all over. At 70 mph, those things can hurt, not to mention the mess they make. :|

Any of you guys ever get a wasp inside your helmet? Trust me; it's the kind of excitement you can live without. :eek:

Paul M.
 
Howdy,

While running through the mountains of Northeast Alabama, Beth had a nasty experience like that. She was yelling at me over the communicator and I had no idea what she was freaking about. We had lost contact with the other couple travelling with us and were backtracking trying to find them. I was looking for a good place to pull over and wait for them where we would be easily visible from the street in case they went by us. Then Beth screams, "PULL OVER NOW!!" yeah... okay!!??

No sooner than she came to a stop and opened the top of her jacket and a hornet came buzzing out and flew away. It managed to zap here numerous times on the breast bone area. She was not a happy camper!

She took several Benadryl. We forgot to get some food in her. Later she was feeling rather light headed and buzzy from the combination of the stings and the medicine. So we had to find a place to stop and eat. Afterwards she was fine. Then we were off to Deal's Gap for the night! ;-)

Adios,
 
Yikes!

I was fortunate not to get stung, as the wasp seemed to be stunned from the impact. But you'll probably never see a guy pull over and throw off his helmet as fast as I did that day. It wouldn't have been surprising if I had crashed in my haste to rid myself of the little bugger - lucked out somehow!
 
Tourmeister said:
Then Beth screams, "PULL OVER NOW!!" yeah... okay!!??

No sooner than she came to a stop and opened the top of her jacket and a hornet came buzzing out and flew away. It managed to zap here numerous times on the breast bone area. She was not a happy camper!

I had a similar experience last summer outside of Taos, NM. I was wearing my rainsuit over my JR Phoenix jacket. Thunderstorms had appeared, sprinkled on me for 30 seconds, and then left me sweltering in my rainsuit. I zipped the front of the suit open to get some air. A few mins later, there's a sharp, stinging pain right in the center of my chest. Yow!

I knew what it had to be and tried to keep control of the bike while using my left hand to mash it against me and squash the little #*!@*, as I was moving and didn't have anywhere to pull off.

I finally pulled over and found a squished yellowjacket. He had flown into my gaping rainsuit and stung me through my Phoenix jacket and t-shirt.

So that's one downside of mesh jackets.
 
ROFLMAO!

Oh my God! I can relate to so many of these stories.

I, too, have a Shoei Z-II. Not three weeks after I bought it did I get nailed with a rock kicked up by a truck ahead of me. I was going about 75 and it hit me to the upper right side of my forehead. Took an impressive piece of shell with it, which did not make me happy, but it was a WHOLE lot better than having hit my head. :pound:

Always cover up. I learned that one early.
 
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