Folks I appreciate the prayers and kind words, and I can't help but think they've been a help because Beth and I have had a couple of really good days.
I'm reasonably intelligent, a vociferous reader, and a pretty good researcher. The truth is I had a real good idea what was coming when I first posted, but nothing was confirmed until Monday.
The Bullet
I have been diagnosed with dementia, and that will make this the beginning of a long goodbye. At this point there has been no real differential diagnosis, but there has been significant atrophy in two lobes of my brain. That would probably put it in the territory of frontotemporal dementia. Not a good thing. I was told the atrophy was what they would expect to see at 80 years of age and I'm just 59. I have been referred to UT Southwestern for more tests and I am very pleased by that, but none of that will come quickly. In fact the length of time it has taken to get these results has been a killer and if I hadn’t pushed, I wouldn't have had this information for 24 more days. The medical industrial complex considers this another day at work, but of course for me it’s my life.
There is not a prognosis of any type at this time. I could have a matter of months or years with some level of productivity. I’ve had a couple of days that scared the **** out of me and others that weren’t bad at all. The doctors have at times looked like they weren’t sure why I was there as I described my symptoms because they seem so minor. The MRI says it’s not a minor issue, but it can't see the future. I’m certainly not as sharp this month as I was last month though and I frankly don’t see where there is much to be done at this stage, but that does not mean I'm quitting.
I will likely start a thread in a day or two about this. While I'm generally a pretty private person, I see a lot of folks struggling with priorities, retirement issues and sometimes life in general. The prayers for clarity may have worked because there are things that just seem clear as a bell to me right now. Maybe the perspective of someone in my shoes will be helpful to someone. We may find out.
It's been a tough month as I've worked through this and another unrelated but difficult issue as well and now I'm just beginning to work through telling folks about this. I've got several more days of that in front of me.
I hate to ask for other folks time, but this is way bigger than I am without a doubt. I sure won't dismiss anyone who wants to throw up another prayer or two. Thanks to all of you and I hope God blesses each of you. There are indeed good people here.