Bridging the gap

I've thought about this a long time, almost posted this a few times then for some reason decided not to. Well, I'm going to see what others think or have done.

How do you bridge the gap with loved ones between you (and only you) and all the others that don't ride? By the gap, I mean for them to just understand the passion for it. I've noticed a few here that seem to be in the same situation as me where their dear other has a one bike rule, unless I'm incorrect on that. While there are others who I don't think their partners ride at all but have multiple bikes. But it's not really about how many than more so about the motorcycle itself. I never get to discuss what I experienced during a ride. Except with my oldest son, but he is experiencing the same thing and will be gone by the end of the summer which isolates me even more.

I think I finally hit it with my dad since he questioned me riding a motorcycle a lot. He never put it down, but was always the grumble, grumble "not very safe" we have all heard. Growing up he had his private pilot's license. So I told him to remember the feeling he felt when he pulled it out of the hangar, did the preflight in anticipation of the flight, and the feeling as soon as the wheels left the ground. I saw it in his expression that he finally knew what I was talking about. But I have a lot of others that have no interest in even hearing about anything motorcycle related. Hope this makes since, sorry to ramble on about it.

I really don't try to explain it and fortunately, or by unintended design don't have to.

The closest I've ever come to describing it is to say the feeling is like having all the youth, vitality and excitement of a twelve year kid old who can run at 70 mph.

That's what TWT is for. Your riding buddies. For me, my old lady doesn't like it that I ride and didn't want me to get a bike. So I did it anyway. Then I bought the kids a bike and taught them to ride, and have evolved to having a street and a dirt for myself and 3 dirt bikes for the kids. They get over it. YMMV. She didn't even care to hear about it until the kids got into it. Then she had to act interested. If none of that works just lean on us.


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I got lucky and Kathy rides with me a lot and enjoys it. She doesn't get the same thing out it that I do , but she understands it. None of our kids ride and we get pushback from them occasionally, but essentially they get it and leave us alone.

I had my bike before the wife. And I told her I would have a bike after her. So it was said, so it was written.

Carefully......it took 19 years for me to get sweetwife to take the class.....then I caught her looking at bikes online.....and finally have a bike that fits her and she likes.....but we are still on the precipice really because she does NOT hunger for the handlebars like I do.......hoping that this summer in Arkansas will help change that......
It's hard........

TWTourist said:

I had my bike before the wife. And I told her I would have a bike after her. So it was said, so it was written.

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This was implied when I met my wife!!

Fortunately for me the wife does get it, after meeting me, she secretly started taking motorcycle lessons and then a few weeks later turned up with a big smile on her face and a motorcycle driving license!! We got her a ZXR400, then a YZ600 then an R6 and now she rides a VT750, and for the dirt we got her an XR200 that she rode everywhere (My eldest daughter now rides it) and then a CRF230 (She wanted the magic button!!). Both my daughters ride and we have more than 13 motorbikes in the house (Dirt & street)!! We rode the TAT 2 years ago and will ride the CDR this summer!! No idea what will be next, but as long as she is happy to ride with me I will ride with her.. Once she has had enough she can ride with me on the back of my Goldwing for the street and I have other friends that I can ride dirt with!! Hope you can find something that works for you!!

Gary

Motorcycles are no more dangerous than the various addictions most of the adults of this country abide in.

JRW69 said:

By the gap, I mean for them to just understand the passion for it.

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That's a tough row to hoe. Like asking someone to describe the colors of a sunset they've never seen or the fragrance of a field of flowers they've never ridden past. How can anyone share the sensation of warm and cool air in the evening as your ride from hilltop to valleys. Just gotta be there. The dangerous stuff is just the elephant in the room that's best ignored.

_RG_ said:

That's a tough row to hoe. Like asking someone to describe the colors of a sunset they've never seen or the fragrance of a field of flowers they've never ridden past. How can anyone share the sensation of warm and cool air in the evening as your ride from hilltop to valleys. Just gotta be there. The dangerous stuff is just the elephant in the room that's best ignored.

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yep, "known only when known". tj rode for years, gave it up a while for me when kids were small, then picked it back up again. as soon as he suggested my own ride i was all over it like a hen on a junebug. i had forgotten in the business of life what a blast it is and was when i was a kid/teen. but explaining it to friends or family that don't ride, they won't get it- until they ride. and for some, even after that they still won't get it. and for me, that's ok.

My wife was hesitant at first when I started talking about getting a bike again but when she found out it was just a little 400cc dual sport she was okay with it. Now her only rule is I can't sell the GSA because on occasion she likes to ride pillion.

She doesn't understand the passion per say but she's at least okay with it.

I think you posted the best answer when you posed the question. Find that thing that makes the other person come alive and try to relate the way you feel when riding to the way they feel when doing their thing. Simply put, it is one of those things that makes you feel really alive.

Now if there are fear issues, like say a spouse, parent, child,... that is afraid you will get hurt, the same approach still applies, but you have to really address the fear aspect. One way that helps is to talk about risks, training, good gear, etc,... all of which do NOT get rid of risks, but do help to mitigate it. Lastly, along these same lines and somewhat crass perhaps, get good disability/life insurance. NO, money does not replace a dad, mom, spouse. However, and I think this is particularly true for most women, the fear of losing a husband and/or dad to the kids is strong, especially if the wife can't work a job that supports the family if something happens to Dad. Training, safety gear, and insurance help a lot to calm those fears.

One thing my wife and I discussed after having an accident while riding two up is the issue of risk. The accident was a few months after our second kid was born. Thanks to good gear neither of us were seriously injured, but it got us thinking. We finally decided that we wanted to teach our kids that life is risky. We cannot let our lives be run by fear. This does not mean to ignore risks and act in a fool hardy manner. It simply means that we need to be aware of risks, do what we can to mitigate them, plan for contingencies where possible (insurance), and then go live our lives!!

Beth rode a lot before we had kids, but she never got the bug quite like I did. She likes it to be sure, but I think she mostly rode because it was something we enjoyed doing together. She likes being a pillion as well. But once you have three kids, it gets real hard to find time to ride, for both of us!!

What I have seen with other guys is that they get their wife into the community, whether it be TWT or something else. They get their wife to make friends with people in the community. She sees the people are not all crazy bikers. All this makes it easier for her to accept what the husband is doing as "normal" and gives her more of an incentive to care about the riding side of his life. The same can be just as true for a woman that rides but whose husband does not.