I'll do it next weekend....

The title is a little criptic but it is a lesson hard learned.

So Friday morning I had to leave the house for a very important meeting in Nacogdoches, and I chose to take the bike which has been sitting for far too long. I am getting on the road 25 min later than I planned due to a dead battery, but all is good as I get to see a beautiful sunrise when I finally turned north on 59 from the Grand Parkway.

[insert picture of glorious sunrise here, the one I didn't take]

I make it to Nac in time, actually about 15 min early. I report to the appropriate office where the receptionist seats me at an empty conference room table in a comfortable high back leather chair. After a short wait, others enter the room, introductions are made and small talk is shared. Ultimately I turn over 4 documents that are behind the reason for our meeting.



You see, this meeting was with a probate attorney where I turned over my Mom and Dads Will and Death Certificates, as a result of their passing away in June and July this year.

The meeting with the attorney lasted about 2 hours and when it was over I had a nice lunch with my Sister. I then put the kick stand up around noon to ride for home as I had work obligations to get to. It rained on me pretty hard off and on between Nac and Corrigan, a nice cooling rain on a 90 degree day. It was cathartic and welcomed. As I was coming through Livingston I realized my afternoon conference calls for work can be substituted with a couple of emails instead. So I pulled off the road and got a cold drink and sat down to write the the appropriate emails, call cancellations and apologies. Then I topped off the tank with fuel. I was not going to say "I'll go riding next weekend" instead I chose to go riding now. I then set out looking for the small roads to get me home, finding some great little ones along the way.





I managed to make the ride from Livingston to The Woodlands take about 4.5 hours, which was welcomed therapy. Losing both Mom and Dad barely a month apart this summer has been tough. Thinking back over the last decade or more there have been many times I said "I'll come up next weekend". However to only to later have something more pressing happen at home or work prevent it. Too many times have I planned a ride for a weekend only to put off to next month. Too many times have I thought about picking up the phone to call a friend to only to get distracted by something else and say, "I'll call them later". I will not be able to make up for those missed opportunities of the past but Friday's ride was the fist step changing a behavior for future.

Thanks for stopping by.

PS. Call your parents, tell them you love them.

Thanks for sharing, that hits all to close to home.
I am sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss and thanks for posting this.

I lost my mom not too long ago, still in the after process stuff as well. My dad before that. I understand where you are coming from.

Getting lost on a nice dirt road on a motorcycle is good therapy for me as well.

Duke said:

Call your parents, tell them you love them.

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I had the opportunity to spend some real quality time with my Dad over the last 10 years of his life.
My step mom passed away in 94 and he passed Thanksgiving of 2000.

I will treasure those 6 years and think about the things we did together often.
He visited my family several times a year and I would take days off work and travel out there.
We built things together, went to coffee together ... sometimes we'd drink a beer on the back porch and say nothing.

When he passed, I felt alone. There was no one there I could call with a problem and 100% trust. The transition was close to devastating.

Then, slowly, it occurred to me that he really never left. His values and morals were the same as mine.
He had taught me well and is a part of my every day.

Time will help, but know that life is what your folks taught you and that never leaves.

God bless and thanks for stroll down memory lane.

One of the great tragedies of living is that we figure out what that means far too slowly.
Good on you for taking the scenic road home.
Sorry for your loss.

Thanks for sharing, Duke. Sorry for your loss, and the reason for your trip, but I'm glad to see you made the best of it.

Sorry for your loss Duke. It has to be a real bummer to lose both parents in a short period of time like that .

Thanks. Peace to you sir

Sorry for your loss. I have been having to come up with random projects to get my dad to hang out. Figured once he retired he would have more free time. I'm trying.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk

Yep

My condolences sir.
Your point is well made and applicable to all of us. I am guilty as I can be of getting too wrapped up in my work and life in general and forgetting about friends and even worse, family. Thank you for your poignant reminder to us all.

Point well taken.

We had dinner tonight with friends we hadn't seen in 6 years that were our riding partners in Arizona.

I'll see a cousin tomorrow that I haven't seen since 1994.

I'm seeing a friend tomorrow night that I haven't seen in well over 5 years.

And on and on...

I wish it were as easy as "Just do it!"

I see people all the time saying there is no time like the present. That is true. But, that is not all there is to it. Being single, not having kids, or at least not having kids still living at home makes a BIG difference in what you can do. Like it or not, I have three kids and a wife to support. That means I HAVE to work to keep an income flowing in to pay bills. We are not trying to maintain an extravagant lifestyle. I cannot just quit my job and travel. I am not fortunate enough to have one of those jobs that lets me travel a lot. At best, I get two weeks off per year and never all at once. At best, I get two weekends per month off, and my off weekends often have something going on with the family.

I have been feeling that urge to minimize. More stuff just means more time spent maintaining the stuff. In the last few years I have been working at decluttering and trying to reduce the things in my life that require my time and attention. Hopefully, this lets me spend more time and effort on the things that really matter.

I still have this fantasy of getting a BIG RV, selling just about everything, and taking the family on the road. We home school and my job is not tied to any particular location so long as I have phone/internet service. The kids are totally on board with the idea, but I don't know if they could endure the reality of such a small living space compared to a house. My wife is not so wild about the idea. I'd like to just float around the country, spending a month or two in different spots, so the kids could experience more of what is out there. I've been looking at new/used RVs and I think we could make it happen financially, it's just an issue of family harmony... Also, my parents are both pushing 80 and are moving into that stage where they need someone close by, which basically means me.

I think one of the hardest things about life is trying to resist the funneling effect of all our life's experiences that tend to move us in a particular direction. The longer we spend moving in that direction, the harder and harder it gets to change direction. I envy these people that are able to retire in their 50s. That is often the age at which people start to really feel the urge to change directions and those people get the chance to do it relatively risk free. For someone like me, a serious change in direction would be a HUGE risk financially speaking. So I guess it will boil down to when, if ever, does the urge to change direction overcome the risk factor...?

I totally agree that maintaining relationships should be a high priority. I am a firm believer that the quality of relationships in our lives directly impacts our mental, physical, and spiritual well being, but so does having a place to sleep, clothes to wear, and food to eat It is EASY to get caught up in the day to day grind and fail to keep up with people without realizing how much time passes! I have a good friend in assisted living. I know she spends almost all her time alone. The days must creep by for her. Yet for me, two or three weeks can slip by almost without me realizing it! Even if I were able to get in to see her once a week, that would still seem like forever between visits for her. There just never seems to be enough time to get to hang out with ALL of the people with whom I'd like to spend time.

I often try to get people to describe to me what they think Heaven would be like. For many, it seems they dream of a place of self indulgence, no pleasure denied. They might also think of it as a place where ALL their questions are answered and they effectively become omniscient, and hence they'd get bored. I like to think it will be an eternity, filled with endless time to REALLY get to know ALL those people we never had time to know fully in the here and now, free of all the relational baggage and defects we suffer from now. Can you imagine what that would be like!?

Tourmeister said:

I wish it were as easy as "Just do it!"

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Don't we all!
I'm not sure it's ever really easy, and certainly not for someone in your circumstances.

Simple, perhaps, in that sense that it's not super complicated to do. Make a goal/plan, work the plan, figure out the logistics and commit. In that sense it's like any other big decision a family/individual makes.

I think that what stops a lot of people from doing the 'grand adventure' type of thing is fear of the unknown, and perhaps the fear of 'judgement' from outsiders. The planning and logistics scare off a bunch more people because it's just too hard to work it out while living a normal life.
But adding more 'life' to daily living seems to be more about changing some habits, and prioritizing some 'soul-restoring' activities, like taking the long way home or making a 10 minute phone call to friends far away. (Although for me that usually turns into 30 mins)

A few years ago I met a family of 7 (Dad, Mom and 5 kids ranging from 3y-14y) who had bought a 48ft yacht and were off to sail around the world for 3 years. They had made their plan and worked on it for over 3 years, they rented out the house, put everything in storage and left all they knew to achieve this dream. Naturally everyone said they were nuts.
The Dad was able to work remotely online, the Mom decided to write a book and travel reviews about the ports they visited, the kids studied remotely. Last I heard from them they were considering extending their journey by another 2 years, maybe longer. The kids had adapted to living in each others pockets and become much better for it. They had experienced severe storms, great hardship, theft, drama and breakdowns galore but they had also found the people of most places were welcoming and helpful and they discovered far greater strength in themselves than ever they believed before.
Both the older kids told me they would never have believed it could turn out so well and they wished they could keep going. So they counted it an even bigger win than they had hoped for but nobody could call it easy I don't think.

Reading this reminds of the song 'Cats in the Cradle' by Harry Chapin:

'I've long since retired and my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, I'd like to see you if you don't mind
He said, I'd love to, dad, if I could find the time
You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, dad
It's been sure nice talking to you
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me'

Rudy said:

Reading this reminds of the song 'Cats in the Cradle' by Harry Chapin:

'I've long since retired and my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, I'd like to see you if you don't mind
He said, I'd love to, dad, if I could find the time
You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, dad
It's been sure nice talking to you
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me'

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One of my favorite songs and a real reminder on life and your kids!

Duke, I am sorry for the passing of your mother and father.

One of the best decisions I ever made was when I was 24. My mother had come home from surgery from breast cancer. I rode from Glenwood Springs where I lived, to Denver (about 170 miles) to visit with her and my family. I rode my 1976 Kawasaki Z1 because I wasn't sure my 1970 Volkswagen would make it. It was late October and I traveled after work, so it was dark. It was cold, they tell me it reached -17 that night on the pass. But, it was good visiting that weekend with my mother, I have to admit I was a 'mama's boy'.

It was therapeutic riding back home on Sunday. It had warmed significantly and the sun was out. Two weeks later came word that my mother had passed away from a heart attack, caused by radiation embrittlement. To this day I think, how fortunate I was, to be able to spend that time with my mother.

Condolences, Duke to you and your family.
Well written; good and wise thoughts.
"Beware, tyranny of the urgent" is one of my pet phrases.

Sorry for your loss, and thanks man.

Condolences, Duke. Well said.