@Batsqatch_papa praying for you brother in your road in life. From the sounds of it you are pointed in the right direction. I could not agree more with you that the KLR is medicinal. It has helped me through some of my hardest times as it's just a good time to get out and think and pray (with your eyes open). Even my wife agreed and forced me to get a bike again after a few years without.
Understanding your need of forgiveness is half way there but accepting forgiveness can be the hardest part. But is done only by God's grace. He sent his only son to die on a cross for our sins; for all of it! We cannot not argue with that abundant love and grace but humbly accept it. In my experience, surrounding ourselves with good Christian men that can hold us accountable is very important in our walk with Christ. They will pray for us, with us and at times will rebuke us when it's needed. Stay in God's word daily and don't be afraid to reach out when you need help. This forum has many incredible folks that truly care about others and will earnestly pray for you. God bless you brother.
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32, ESV)
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9, ESV)
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1, ESV)
So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, "If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:31-32, ESV)
So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. (John 8:36, ESV)