Hats off to Richard, for organizing this shindig
And then there's Smiley
And then there's Smiley
just after the koolest save of the day
-
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The Road to Certain Death - A K Trail Tale
- Thread starter Trail Boss
- Start date
Overheard someplace
"How do you know we're from Texas?"
"Oh, we cahn jus' teyell."
"How do you know we're from Texas?"
"Oh, we cahn jus' teyell."
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Great pics and ride report! Makes me want to go, but don't leave us all hanging like that Richard. What happens to sassy girls?!!!
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This is a family friendly forum - you'll have to ask Jack off-line what happens to sassy girls.
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This is a family friendly forum - you'll have to ask Jack off-line what happens to sassy girls.
Yeah Richard, I myself would like to know what happens to sassy girls.
Signed, your wife.
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We rode about 105 miles on day 1 and 150 miles on day 2. An oversize gas tank is nice to have - we all had them - but is not completely necessary. There are places you can leave the trail and ride to a gas station.
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- On a bike, down by the river!
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"An then there's Smiley just after the koolest save of the day"
Can't say there was anything "kool" about that warm stinky muddy water in my boots!
Hey...........at least it made your feet smell better!
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Most people pay a lot for a foot mud bath, you got it for free!! 
Look on the bright side!!
Gary
Look on the bright side!!
Gary
What a heck of a good time!!! Even the certain death part, I will let TrailBoss tell the story. Its a good one. The LC4 tore it up from start to finish, I loved every minute of it. A huge thanks to Richard, JT and Jack, it was great to ride with you guys again. Milton and Smiley, It was awesome meeting and riding with you fellas as well. I look forward to the next one!
-Taylor
also, Smiley--Lets go hit some single track at Hidden Falls soon.
Richard, I look forward to the rest of your ride report. Should have some really great photo's to come. BTW, did you take any photos while you were down in "the hole" looking for milton?
--I dont even think IceMan needed any ice this trip did he???????other than for his whisky...
-Taylor
also, Smiley--Lets go hit some single track at Hidden Falls soon.
Richard, I look forward to the rest of your ride report. Should have some really great photo's to come. BTW, did you take any photos while you were down in "the hole" looking for milton?
--I dont even think IceMan needed any ice this trip did he???????other than for his whisky...
This was hilarious! How could they tell?
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At the Crossroads of Life and Certain Death
As we rode east I took every opportunity I could find to grab photos of the fellows. I would zip ahead when possible, jump off my bike, grab my camera, and wait in ambush for them to arrive. It was tough getting pictures of Smiley since he always seemed to be riding up front and I could never catch him.
Jack
JT
Milton
Milton
Then we arrived at the crossroads. Let me explain. Each of us has our own personal idiosyncrasies - characteristic or personality peculiarities. Well, one of JT's idiosyncrasies is the desire to explore every trail he encounters. If you and JT are riding a trail that neither of you have been down before but that you know for a fact is a good trail that you can get through and you encounter a trail that you don't know anything about, JT will invariably choose to ride the unknown trail. There's nothing wrong with that - you just need to know that he will make that choice.
That is exactly the situation that we found ourselves in. We arrived at an intersection of the K Trail and an unknown faint trail that was shown on JT's GPS. One glance at the unknown trail and you could tell that it was not often used. In fact, it looked like it hadn't been used in 50 years.
"Look, Rich, this trail is on my GPS map. We should explore it."
"Hey, JT, what map is that on your GPS? That trail isn't on my map."
"Rich, it's a hand drawn map from 1882, rumored to have been drawn by a hermit living in these woods. It was discovered buried in a cave not far from here during an archeological dig and eventually was submitted to the University of Texas maps archives where it lay untouched for over 100 years until I found it. I scanned it and converted it into a map for my GPS."
"Oh, well in that case, I'm sure it's a good map and we can completely trust our lives on it's accuracy."
JT indicated that the southern end of the trail intersected the K Trail several miles from here and that he was going to see if the trail did, in fact, go all the way through. Taylor had already decided to go with him down the trail.
So I turned to Jack and Milton and pointed down the trail and said "this is the trail to certain death." Then I pointed down the K Trail and said "this leads to life. Which way do you want to go?"
Milton: "Certain Death?"
Me: "Yep"
Milton: "Okay, I'm definitely going that way."
We agreed that JT, Taylor, and Milton would explore the road to Certain Death and Smiley, Jack, and I would continue on the K Trail and meet them at the southern intersection. Both groups went off on their respective ways.
My group arrived at the southern intersection first. After a few minutes of waiting I came up with at different plan. I asked Smiley and Jack to ride into Mena, check into the hotel, and then go find us some cold beer (Mena is in a dry county so they would have to do some searching/riding to find the closest beer store) while I remained behind waiting on JT's group. Off they went.
I waited at the intersection for 1.5 hours, occupying my time by taking a few pictures of this flower.
A pack of 4 wheelers came up the trail and stopped to visit with me. They informed me that JT and crew were stuck about a mile back, unable to cross a major river blocking their way, and were going to have to backtrack to the K Trail.
At this point I decided I didn't need to wait any longer. By the time those 3 fellows arrived at my location they would easily figure out that my group had continued on our way.
I rode to Mena, checked into the hotel, and got a cold beer from Jack. After a quick shower the 3 of us headed over to the restaurant for dinner. It was nearly 8 pm at this time. Near the end of dinner I got a call from JT.
"Where are you guys?"
"In the restaurant. Come join us."
"Okay. But Milton fell in the river and so we left him there."
"Ha ha. That's funny. See you in a minute."
When JT and Taylor arrived I asked them where Milton was.
"I told you we left him at the river."
"What? You really left him?"
"Yes, we did."
The trail to the river was very tough, with many large rocks, deep water crossings, and severely overgrown vegetation. Once they reached the river and had to turn back, Milton was too tired to continue. After dropping his bike a few times he decided that he wouldn't be able to ride his bike out and would, instead, stay the night on the trail. He had some power bars, water, a bivy sack, and a way to start a fire. He made camp while JT and Taylor rode out and then on to Mena.
I was a bit worried about that decision but Milton's a big boy and has been known to sleep on the side of a trail when he gets too tired.
The next morning we decided that I would ride down and collect Milton, while the remainder of the group continued on our planned day 2 route. JT suggested that I stop at McDonald's and get him a breakfast sandwich, which I thought was a great idea.
As I rode down the trail of certain death, encountering one obstacle after another obstacle, I hollered into my helmet "JT, why didn't you turn around when you reached this rock garden?" "JT, why didn't you turn around when you hit this deep, rocky creek crossing?" "JT, why didn't you stop when you had to ride through all these branches growing over the trail?" "JT, why didn't you run away screaming when Bigfoot tried to knock you off your motorcycle?"
But, eventually, I made it down to the river and found Milton. Alive and well, but a little hungry. He had survived the night.
Milton's camp site
He looked at me and said, "I guess I should have known not to go down a trail called Certain Death."
As we rode east I took every opportunity I could find to grab photos of the fellows. I would zip ahead when possible, jump off my bike, grab my camera, and wait in ambush for them to arrive. It was tough getting pictures of Smiley since he always seemed to be riding up front and I could never catch him.
Jack
JT
Milton
Milton
Then we arrived at the crossroads. Let me explain. Each of us has our own personal idiosyncrasies - characteristic or personality peculiarities. Well, one of JT's idiosyncrasies is the desire to explore every trail he encounters. If you and JT are riding a trail that neither of you have been down before but that you know for a fact is a good trail that you can get through and you encounter a trail that you don't know anything about, JT will invariably choose to ride the unknown trail. There's nothing wrong with that - you just need to know that he will make that choice.
That is exactly the situation that we found ourselves in. We arrived at an intersection of the K Trail and an unknown faint trail that was shown on JT's GPS. One glance at the unknown trail and you could tell that it was not often used. In fact, it looked like it hadn't been used in 50 years.
"Look, Rich, this trail is on my GPS map. We should explore it."
"Hey, JT, what map is that on your GPS? That trail isn't on my map."
"Rich, it's a hand drawn map from 1882, rumored to have been drawn by a hermit living in these woods. It was discovered buried in a cave not far from here during an archeological dig and eventually was submitted to the University of Texas maps archives where it lay untouched for over 100 years until I found it. I scanned it and converted it into a map for my GPS."
"Oh, well in that case, I'm sure it's a good map and we can completely trust our lives on it's accuracy."
JT indicated that the southern end of the trail intersected the K Trail several miles from here and that he was going to see if the trail did, in fact, go all the way through. Taylor had already decided to go with him down the trail.
So I turned to Jack and Milton and pointed down the trail and said "this is the trail to certain death." Then I pointed down the K Trail and said "this leads to life. Which way do you want to go?"
Milton: "Certain Death?"
Me: "Yep"
Milton: "Okay, I'm definitely going that way."
We agreed that JT, Taylor, and Milton would explore the road to Certain Death and Smiley, Jack, and I would continue on the K Trail and meet them at the southern intersection. Both groups went off on their respective ways.
My group arrived at the southern intersection first. After a few minutes of waiting I came up with at different plan. I asked Smiley and Jack to ride into Mena, check into the hotel, and then go find us some cold beer (Mena is in a dry county so they would have to do some searching/riding to find the closest beer store) while I remained behind waiting on JT's group. Off they went.
I waited at the intersection for 1.5 hours, occupying my time by taking a few pictures of this flower.
A pack of 4 wheelers came up the trail and stopped to visit with me. They informed me that JT and crew were stuck about a mile back, unable to cross a major river blocking their way, and were going to have to backtrack to the K Trail.
At this point I decided I didn't need to wait any longer. By the time those 3 fellows arrived at my location they would easily figure out that my group had continued on our way.
I rode to Mena, checked into the hotel, and got a cold beer from Jack. After a quick shower the 3 of us headed over to the restaurant for dinner. It was nearly 8 pm at this time. Near the end of dinner I got a call from JT.
"Where are you guys?"
"In the restaurant. Come join us."
"Okay. But Milton fell in the river and so we left him there."
"Ha ha. That's funny. See you in a minute."
When JT and Taylor arrived I asked them where Milton was.
"I told you we left him at the river."
"What? You really left him?"
"Yes, we did."
The trail to the river was very tough, with many large rocks, deep water crossings, and severely overgrown vegetation. Once they reached the river and had to turn back, Milton was too tired to continue. After dropping his bike a few times he decided that he wouldn't be able to ride his bike out and would, instead, stay the night on the trail. He had some power bars, water, a bivy sack, and a way to start a fire. He made camp while JT and Taylor rode out and then on to Mena.
I was a bit worried about that decision but Milton's a big boy and has been known to sleep on the side of a trail when he gets too tired.
The next morning we decided that I would ride down and collect Milton, while the remainder of the group continued on our planned day 2 route. JT suggested that I stop at McDonald's and get him a breakfast sandwich, which I thought was a great idea.
As I rode down the trail of certain death, encountering one obstacle after another obstacle, I hollered into my helmet "JT, why didn't you turn around when you reached this rock garden?" "JT, why didn't you turn around when you hit this deep, rocky creek crossing?" "JT, why didn't you stop when you had to ride through all these branches growing over the trail?" "JT, why didn't you run away screaming when Bigfoot tried to knock you off your motorcycle?"
But, eventually, I made it down to the river and found Milton. Alive and well, but a little hungry. He had survived the night.
Milton's camp site
He looked at me and said, "I guess I should have known not to go down a trail called Certain Death."
Last edited:
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Richard, I believe your flower is a lanceleaf coreopsis, and I'm glad Milton is ok! 
M38A1
Admin
At one point, later in the evening, JT said "that was just a really good trail we found". I remember thinking to myself, "Surely he is not referring to the rock and vine filled drainage system that lead us and our motorcycles down to the river". To say the least, it really wasn't that great of a trail...Im glad the other riders didn't choose to take on the "certain death" challenge. Of course, Everyone else must have known better, as Jack later explained to me JT's adventurous tendencies.
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Now came the task of riding out of this death hole. Through the trees, over the rocks, across the creek, and around Bigfoot. Once Milton was ready, we set out, moving slowly. I stopped frequently to take pictures - no one would believe my story without them.
I tried to get a picture of Bigfoot but he is so shy...
Finally, we arrived back at the K Trail. In one piece. Relieved to be off the road of certain death. Since no one had actually died on the trail we decided to rename it the Road of Near Certain Death.
Meanwhile, back in Mena, JT and crew were understandably feeling a little guilty about letting me go off on my own to fetch Milton. They decided to follow me to ensure nothing happened to me on my way to get Milton or to either of us on our way out of the hole. What they didn't know was that I had taken an alternate route after asking the GPS to calculate the most direct route to the trailhead. After exiting the trail Milton and I headed to Mena for fuel and food and we totally missed JT and crew, who were still on their way to the trailhead.
When they didn't find us at the trailhead JT and crew rode down the Road of Near Certain Death to find us, not knowing we were already gone. I'll let them tell of their near death experiences during this excursion.
Once Milton had fully recovered and refueled we decided to ride the planned day 2 route.
The day 2 route was vastly different than day 1. It consisted of all class 1 riding and some fine scenery. Which was quite welcome considering the residual fatigue from the day before.
On the way to Blue hole
An interesting paint job
Denied! This looked to be the most fun road of the day but the forest service had other plans.
Typical day 2 road
The best scenery of the day was Little Mo Falls
Milton at Little Mo Falls
Mena International Airport needs to mow
The End
Once back at the inn in Clayton we loaded our dirty bikes...
...took a shower and headed into town for some supper. We finished the evening sitting outside, enjoying a cold beer and some fine conversation about the weekend.
Monday was spent driving back to Austin. JT and I stopped at George's restaurant for one of the best chicken fried steaks in Texas. It was very good.
Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed my report.
I tried to get a picture of Bigfoot but he is so shy...
Finally, we arrived back at the K Trail. In one piece. Relieved to be off the road of certain death. Since no one had actually died on the trail we decided to rename it the Road of Near Certain Death.
Meanwhile, back in Mena, JT and crew were understandably feeling a little guilty about letting me go off on my own to fetch Milton. They decided to follow me to ensure nothing happened to me on my way to get Milton or to either of us on our way out of the hole. What they didn't know was that I had taken an alternate route after asking the GPS to calculate the most direct route to the trailhead. After exiting the trail Milton and I headed to Mena for fuel and food and we totally missed JT and crew, who were still on their way to the trailhead.
When they didn't find us at the trailhead JT and crew rode down the Road of Near Certain Death to find us, not knowing we were already gone. I'll let them tell of their near death experiences during this excursion.
Once Milton had fully recovered and refueled we decided to ride the planned day 2 route.
The day 2 route was vastly different than day 1. It consisted of all class 1 riding and some fine scenery. Which was quite welcome considering the residual fatigue from the day before.
On the way to Blue hole
An interesting paint job
Denied! This looked to be the most fun road of the day but the forest service had other plans.
Typical day 2 road
The best scenery of the day was Little Mo Falls
Milton at Little Mo Falls
Mena International Airport needs to mow
The End
Once back at the inn in Clayton we loaded our dirty bikes...
...took a shower and headed into town for some supper. We finished the evening sitting outside, enjoying a cold beer and some fine conversation about the weekend.
Monday was spent driving back to Austin. JT and I stopped at George's restaurant for one of the best chicken fried steaks in Texas. It was very good.
Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed my report.
Last edited:
Home or “Certain Death”? How could there be a question?
On the other hand the K Trail had been pretty smooth and uneventful for the last 20min or so. Not particularly challenging, though my behind was starting to bark I was thoroughly digging the deep forest we were traversing.
Home or “Certain Death”? Heck, I’m following JT.
And off we went. Down into the h*ll hole. Rocks and more rocks led down to a creek crossing which in turn led up to more forgiving earth. Cool single track! Neat woods! Some muddy puddles.
Then there were the downed trees, with the inevitable bushwacking detours. Not a big fan of those. At each obstacle I took a deep breath and endeavored to keep JT & Taylor in sight.
It seemed to get rougher. Every descent in elevation meant a dreaded rocky stream crossing at the bottom followed by another rocky climb to softer earth. Go around a couple of felled trees. Repeat.
We came to a river. “We’re not going to have to cross that, are we?” (This wasn’t a creek or stream, it was a fast river)
JT: “I don’t know.”
Whaaat? I’m thinking. Whaduhyou mean, you don’t know? Still I ultimately had faith in JT.
It never occurred to me that he had no idea where he was leading us.
We paralleled the river for a while, but finally the trail came to an end at a river crossing. We could see a deep hole on the far side. Warily I waded across. The bottom was not a simple bed of smooth stones but slippery slabs tilted at a 35 degree angle oriented at right angles to the flow. I was pocket deep at the hole, and no way around it. Besides all that, the get-out looked foreboding. I scrambled up on all fours. We searched up and down stream for a better crossing. But away from the trail the topography was impossibly unforgiving.
I kept thinking “we’ll get across this. Didn’t we have a hole of similar depth in Mexico?”
Suddenly some 8 ATV’s appeared out of nowhere
and proceeded to cross the river straight away, one by one.
These folks had no idea where they were and had never heard of the K Trail.
When finished, they shouted an offer of assistance.
I was game. “That’s a lot of man-power, John." The K Trail is only two miles away. About 12 guys stood on the opposite bank waiting for our response.
JT fussed that water would surely enter our air boxes. It was late in the day and he pointed out that you can only get so many men around a motorcycle.
I had to agree.
On the other hand the K Trail had been pretty smooth and uneventful for the last 20min or so. Not particularly challenging, though my behind was starting to bark I was thoroughly digging the deep forest we were traversing.
Home or “Certain Death”? Heck, I’m following JT.
And off we went. Down into the h*ll hole. Rocks and more rocks led down to a creek crossing which in turn led up to more forgiving earth. Cool single track! Neat woods! Some muddy puddles.
Then there were the downed trees, with the inevitable bushwacking detours. Not a big fan of those. At each obstacle I took a deep breath and endeavored to keep JT & Taylor in sight.
It seemed to get rougher. Every descent in elevation meant a dreaded rocky stream crossing at the bottom followed by another rocky climb to softer earth. Go around a couple of felled trees. Repeat.
We came to a river. “We’re not going to have to cross that, are we?” (This wasn’t a creek or stream, it was a fast river)
JT: “I don’t know.”
Whaaat? I’m thinking. Whaduhyou mean, you don’t know? Still I ultimately had faith in JT.
It never occurred to me that he had no idea where he was leading us.
We paralleled the river for a while, but finally the trail came to an end at a river crossing. We could see a deep hole on the far side. Warily I waded across. The bottom was not a simple bed of smooth stones but slippery slabs tilted at a 35 degree angle oriented at right angles to the flow. I was pocket deep at the hole, and no way around it. Besides all that, the get-out looked foreboding. I scrambled up on all fours. We searched up and down stream for a better crossing. But away from the trail the topography was impossibly unforgiving.
I kept thinking “we’ll get across this. Didn’t we have a hole of similar depth in Mexico?”
Suddenly some 8 ATV’s appeared out of nowhere
and proceeded to cross the river straight away, one by one.
These folks had no idea where they were and had never heard of the K Trail.
When finished, they shouted an offer of assistance.
I was game. “That’s a lot of man-power, John." The K Trail is only two miles away. About 12 guys stood on the opposite bank waiting for our response.
JT fussed that water would surely enter our air boxes. It was late in the day and he pointed out that you can only get so many men around a motorcycle.
I had to agree.
In the end we decided to turn back and follow our GPS cookie crumbs the way we’d come. 
“Oh, no..” I’m thinking. I was lucky to get this far.”
Still game, I soldered on.
JT still wanted to explore!
I peeked at his GPS. “Now this trail isn’t on my map,” he explained. His GPS revealed crazy contour lines up ahead. Oh heck, JT, we ain’t going up that, trail or no trail. And where does it lead?
So back we went. Back over the very ground we had fought so hard to gain. I fell again. We went up a couple of dead ends.
The struggle was getting harder and harder and the sirens of the river were calling my name.
One last fall along the river and I was done.
I was spent,
exhausted,
on the verge of throwing up.
I could just look at a rock and fall over.
My camp for the night
Old fire ring with ready made bench. River in the background. Riding pants and jacket laid out as a mattress.
Ultra weight bivy bag folded up in the middle. My book in a plastic bag. Clothes laid out to dry. What's not to love?
Tents are over-rated.
Big Foot is not real.
Never go down a trail called Certain Death.
What's an adventure without sleeping in the dirt?
“Oh, no..” I’m thinking. I was lucky to get this far.”
Still game, I soldered on.
JT still wanted to explore!
I peeked at his GPS. “Now this trail isn’t on my map,” he explained. His GPS revealed crazy contour lines up ahead. Oh heck, JT, we ain’t going up that, trail or no trail. And where does it lead?
So back we went. Back over the very ground we had fought so hard to gain. I fell again. We went up a couple of dead ends.
The struggle was getting harder and harder and the sirens of the river were calling my name.
One last fall along the river and I was done.
I was spent,
exhausted,
on the verge of throwing up.
I could just look at a rock and fall over.
My camp for the night
Old fire ring with ready made bench. River in the background. Riding pants and jacket laid out as a mattress.
Ultra weight bivy bag folded up in the middle. My book in a plastic bag. Clothes laid out to dry. What's not to love?
Tents are over-rated.
Big Foot is not real.
Never go down a trail called Certain Death.
What's an adventure without sleeping in the dirt?
Milton's camp site
He looked at me and said, "Never go down a trail called Certain Death."
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very tempting
Stay on the pegs and The Force be with you.
Yeah, right. I just woke up and haven't had my Wheaties yet.