John the Baptized

[Trail Boss]

Okay, back on track...Into the unknown. Heat. Misery. Mayhem.

But first, let me introduce you to the other two Wisenheimers.

The Iceman himself, Jack Jeter (just call him Iceman or Iceman Jack). If the bike has knobbies and you're riding on dirt, Iceman can ride the wheels off the bike. He's fast, smooth, skilled, and very hard to keep up with. His bike of choice for this trip was the KTM 525.

John Thompson (aka JT or John the a)sinner or b)baptized depending on the situation he gets you in) is every bit as fast as Iceman. I think. They both run off and leave me in the dirt so I haven't really confirmed if one is faster than the other. John is also a map guy and a Jedi level GPS Guru. Put him up front on your rides and he'll get you there, though to be fair it might not be on the route you had in mind. John's motto is the tougher the riding, the better. John's primary ride is the venerable Honda XR650L, aka The Big Red Pig (BRP). He rides so fast on both pavement and dirt you wonder if he didn't get the word that the term "big red pig" includes the word "pig".

You guys all know me. I'm the world's fastest slow guy and I randomly baptize riders in rivers. World's fastest slow guy? Yeah, that's me. Take all the riders in the world and divide them into 2 groups - the fast group and the slow group. I'm in the slow group. I'm the fastest guy in the slow group. I'm way to slow to be in the fast group. But I'm faster than everyone in the slow group. It's sorta like being the world's largest shrimp. Big for a shrimp but still a shrimp.

 

[sKatZ]

 

[Iceman Jack]

Okay, back on track...Into the unknown. Heat. Misery. Mayhem.

But first, let me introduce you to the other two Wisenheimers.

The Iceman himself, Jack Jeter (just call him Iceman or Iceman Jack). If the bike has knobbies and you're riding on dirt, Iceman can ride the wheels off the bike. He's fast, smooth, skilled, and very hard to keep up with. His bike of choice for this trip was the KTM 525.

You're too kind richard? I also have some spectular falls! You just need to get better at getting the camera in position.

 

[Gravel Guy]

Okay, back on track...Into the unknown. Heat. Misery. Mayhem.

John Thompson (aka JT or John the a)sinner or b)baptized depending on the situation he gets you in) is every bit as fast as Iceman. I think. They both run off and leave me in the dirt so I haven't really confirmed if one is faster than the other. John is also a map guy and a Jedi level GPS Guru. Put him up front on your rides and he'll get you there, though to be fair it might not be on the route you had in mind. John's motto is the tougher the riding, the better. John's primary ride is the venerable Honda XR650L, aka The Big Red Pig (BRP). He rides so fast on both pavement and dirt you wonder if he didn't get the word that the term "big red pig" includes the word "pig".

JT is ALSO a gentlemen and genuinely nice guy!

 

[Trail Boss]

Alright, here we go again.

Our stomachs full and the paved stuff done, we head off into the jungle...er, forest. The main point of this ride was to find some new dual sport roads in the national forest. We wanted to find fun roads that were actually there, open, ride-able, and went all the way through (i.e. no dead ends).

The roads we found this afternoon were a mixed bag. Some were there, open, and went through but others were closed or dead ended.

The ones we found that went through were not your average, ordinary, run-of-the-mill dirt roads. Instead they were more like paths through the jungle. For example this the first new road we explored on this day. Yes, that's a road. And it's open. Legal to ride. And it goes all the way through.

Don't confuse "goes all the way through" with "easy to get through". Those 2 don't always apply together, as we discovered. The "road" was difficult to follow, the underbrush was taking over and slowed progress.

No surprise, it was really hot. Once you get in the trees the only breeze is the one you make while riding.

The first strategy is to not stop any longer than you have to. Keep moving so you've got a breeze.

The second strategy is to use whatever water you can find to help you stay cool.

The third strategy is a continuation of the second strategy. When a lot of water is available, take full advantage of it. Iceman demonstrates the best technique for strategy three.

We had only been at this about 1-2 hours but the heat took it's toll on us.

The Ozarks have lots and lots of water, with stream or rivers flowing through every valley. You don't have to ride far before you will be face to face with a low water crossing. I know many riders like to cross water obstacles while standing on the pegs but our preferred method was slowly with the outriggers (feet) deployed.

Water crossing are treacherous all by themselves. They are even more so when fatigued.

At the end of the day we had discovered four or five new dual sport roads, with an even mix of class 2 and 3. The last dirt road we found was a tough class 3. I dropped the bike while attempting to negotiate around a downed tree. Luckily the only damage to my bike was broken clutch lever. I replaced it with my spare and off we went.

By the time we got back to the hotel I was spent. I laid on the bed for 1/2 hour with the air conditioner on high, letting my body cool off from the day's exertions.

 

[JasonJ]

this is fantastic reading guys

 

[Tourmeister]

You know... with all the mention of downed trees, I am wondering if anyone has given any thought to carrying a rope saw? They wad up small and when you need them, you just loop them around what you want to cut and pull the ends back and forth. I know there have been times where one or two of those would have kept us going on some great "roads" but we were turned back because of an inability to clear the downed trees.

 

[gixxerjasen]

Water crossing are treacherous all by themselves. They are even more so when fatigued.

And from my experience, even more so when your buddy is standing there with a camera to record it.

 

[Iceman Jack]

You know... with all the mention of downed trees, I am wondering if anyone has given any thought to carrying a rope saw? They wad up small and when you need them, you just loop them around what you want to cut and pull the ends back and forth. I know there have been times where one or two of those would have kept us going on some great "roads" but we were turned back because of an inability to clear the downed trees.

If we had used a rope saw on those downed tree................we'd still be sawing. Those suckers were anywhere from 8 inches to three foot diameter. Oh and by the way,I had a rope saw in my camel back pocket and I would have been afraid to take it out. Richard might have made me use it.

 

[Gravel Guy]

Oh and by the way,I had a rope saw in my camel back pocket and I would have been afraid to take it out. Richard might have made me use it.

HAHAHAHA

 

[Iceman Jack]

In this picture I'm in the background with my jersey off. I had just fallen for the first of three times in two days and I was covered with gasoline. When I fell,the bike was on my left leg and as I was trying to get out from under the bike gasoline was shooting out the gas cap all over my face and upper body!
Then as I'm getting up,JT starts jumping around,looking down at his feet and where I had been laying. There was a small copperhead snake trying to escape. I was so hot and covered in gasoline I didn't even care. That was one rough a trail especially in the heat.

 

[Trail Boss]

Day 2: More of the same - fun but hot and tough

On the morning of Day 2 JT and I headed northwest to explore some new dual sport roads off of Fly Gap Road. Jack was moving a little slow and planned on meeting us a little later in the morning.

First we hightailed it north via pavement to Oark for a little breakfast at the Oark General Store. After a delicious breakfast of biscuits and gravy I was ready to go exploring.

From Fly Gap Road we found the start of dual sport road we were looking for. The road went almost straight south, down into the valley below. For about an hour we picked our way down on the most difficult road we rode the entire weekend. I rated it a class 3+ going downhill. I think it must be a class 4 going uphill. It was that tough. It was so steep and I was completely occupied trying to keep from crashing I didn't stop and take a single picture.

Once at the bottom we crossed the inevitable stream and then took a much deserved break. That section of "road" had just kicked my butt. Surprisingly enough, despite being deep in the woods and down in a valley JT had phone service. One bar only, but still service. JT called Jack and let him know we were still planning on meeting up at the agreed upon time.

Break over, JT and I headed north on a different road. At first it was class 3, but that soon gave away to class 2, then finally class 1. After exploring several roads that ultimately turned out to be dead-ends, we headed south on a wonderful dual sport road that both of us had ridden before.

As usual, JT was leading and was riding at his usual pace (i.e. hauling butt for me, normal pace for him). Then disaster struck. There had been some rain lately and the logging trucks had created some nice mud puddle obstacles for us. Due to the way the road ran through the woods one mud puddle in particular was invisible until we were right on top of it.

With little time to react JT tried to wheelie across it but wasn't able to keep the front tire aloft. The wheel dropped into a 2 foot hole that was hidden beneath the water and mud. The next thing I knew JT's bike came to a sudden stop, the bike did a complete stoppie, and JT was nearly thrown over the bars. Instead the bike toppled to the right, pile driving JT into the ground. I was sure he and the bike were both broken, but good fortune was with us today and neither he nor the bike were seriously damaged. Truthfully I've never seen someone crash so spectacularly and not need a trip to the hospital afterwards.

The mud hole of death, post crash.

JT, shaken but not broken

Mud everywhere

I thought the shocks would surely be bent after that horrific crash, but they were fine. Way to go Honda.

How deep was that hole? Knee level. Deep, with steep sides. Perfectly designed to ensnare a motorcycle front tire.

Once we got the bike out of the mud - no easy feat even with both of us putting out extreme effort - and JT had recovered enough to continue, we headed south, arriving in Oark an hour late for our link-up with Jack.

 

[_RG_]

Lots o folks pay good money for that kind of mud treatment. Supposed to be healthy, invigorating, good for the skin and cures mild hemorrhoids too.

 

[Trail Boss]

Lots o folks pay good money for that kind of mud treatment. Supposed to be healthy, invigorating, good for the skin and cures mild hemorrhoids too.

Whaddya say, JT? Did it do any of those things for you?

 

[cdc]

You guys are crazy, I only ride with JT in a car!

 

[JT]

I didn't get much mud on me, If the handlebars hadn't held me back, I would have cleared the mud puddle completely. I have black and blue bruises on top of both thighs from the bars holding me down.
According to the gps, I was traveling 24mph when I came to an very abrupt stop.

Here is part of the elevation profile for the morning ride, the downhill drop was 1490 feet in about 5 miles, almost continuously down.

 

[Tourmeister]

Two files attached.

ArkDSTrip.gdb was the planned route.

Other file is tracks.

You can see that Sunday did not quite go as planned I would still like to go back and try to make it through on that route This is the one that was a water crossing marathon.

Monday had one dead end but otherwise was a very nice route. This is the one with the WIDE river crossing.

 

[Jbay]

at least the BRP looks happy wallowing in the mud

you sure it didn't stop on purpose?

 

[Tourmeister]

I can't seem to find the track files for the trip I did in June of 09. You can get the routes from the ride report here:

http://www.twtex.com/forums/showthread.php?t=41228

The really good stuff was the last day. I have recreated the best parts of that route and attached it as a gdb file. This had some great stuff in it! I had intended to explore a bit more South of Hwy 123 but the weather had other plans for us.

 

[JT]

at least the BRP looks happy wallowing in the mud

you sure it didn't stop on purpose?

Ha! the forest is very dry and we had seen hardly any mud, maybe that was it!

 

[JasonJ]

geez, to look at that puddle you'd think it was maybe 4-6 inches deep, i would have aimed for that puddle just for the splash

 

[Trail Boss]

Day 2 - Crossing the Darien Gap

Our plan for the 2nd half of Day 2 was to cross the Darien Gap. For those not familiar with the Darian Gap, it is a 31 mile wide swath of swamp land separating Panama from Columbia. Due to environmental conditions no road crosses the Darien Gap (hence the use of the term gap). This "gap" is the only thing that prevents a road from joining central and south America, and, consequently the only thing preventing us from riding our bikes from the northern most part of Alaska (Deadhorse, AL) to the southern most part of South America (Tierra del Fuego). Starting from either point you can only ride as far as the Darien Gap and then you have to transport you motorcycle by boat around the gap.

So what does this have to do with the Ozarks? Well, south of Hwy 215 and between Hwy 23 and Hwy 103 are 2 fun riding areas that are separated by a gap. You can ride either area but there are no roads on the map joining the 2 areas. To get from one to the other you have to ride either south or north to a paved bypass.

But wait a minute. JT had some ancient map showing a "road" that once went through the gap and joined the two areas. Was the road there? Was it passable? Was it open? There was only one way to find out - go find it and ride it. So that's what we did.

Son-of-a-gun the road was there. It was open. Barely. And only because it hadn't rained lately. But with a little wiggling we were able to get through.

And I didn't get a single picture. I have no idea what I was thinking but I completely failed to pull my camera out and get pics. My bad. Sorry.

The good news is we crossed the Darien Gap and you can too the next time you are in the area. The route will be in the ride guide.

After crossing the gap we encountered a number of downed trees that had us working to pick our way out and then Jack got a flat tire. After a roadside repair we jumped on a main dirt road, hightailed it to pavement, and back to Clarksville for some much needed rest, relaxation, and adult beverages.

 

[Trail Boss]

Day 3 - darn those downed trees

Day 3 we headed northeast to blaze some new trails in an area that we had ridden through during our last trip. However, a tornado had come through the area a month or so ago and had really torn up the area. Downed trees were everywhere.

We would ride a hundred yards or so and then get stopped by a tree across the road. We would explore options for getting around the tree. After finally getting around it we would ride a very short distance to the next one.

We spent the entire morning trying to fight our way through but were not successful. On every single road we tried - and we tried every road in the area we could find -we were eventually stopped by downed trees.

It was during this time that I discovered that the Italian Supermodel TE610 is not a woods bike. We were so intent on finding a way through the destruction that we tried several questionable "roads". They may have been roads 50 years ago but today they were only a path through the woods where the trees hadn't regrown yet.

But even these "roads" had downed trees on them that eventually turned us back in defeat.

"I'm done", I announced to Iceman and JT. "I'm done fighting downed trees and I'm really done trying to ride the Husky through the woods. My bars are 20 inches wide and all the trees are 18 inches apart. I'm backtracking out of here and going to Oark for lunch." So that's what we did. We retreated to fight another day.

 

[mcrider]

Were yall cutting those trees?

 

[JT]

No, we didn't cut any, Jacques was hiding the saw. If we couldn't go over, around, or under, we turned around and tried a different route. On a few trails, someone had been trying to clear the fallen trees, but they had a long way to go.