Still born

[gotdurt]

My wife's best friend, who conceived about the same time as us, lost her baby yesterday as the result of a ruptured placenta. She delivered still born this morning. She was only 2 weeks from her due date. She went in for a routine appointment yesterday, and they couldn't find a heartbeat, so they induced labor last night. They think he died shortly before she went in for her appointment.

I tell you, there is nothing more sad than seeing a friend holding her lifeless newborn.

Please pray for Rhonda, John and their family.

Also, please pray for my wife. She is taking this very hard, which is something that she and our baby don't need.

 

[Tourmeister]

Dude, you scared the sheeiit out of me!! I thought you were going to tell us that Dawn had a stillborn. This is going to be incredibly hard on your friends. Especially when your child is born. They will wonder why there baby died and yours lived. Don't take it personal because it won't be meant that way, it is just a natural aspect of trying to make sense of something that may never make sense.

One of my close friends lost their first baby at almost the exact same time. She strangled on the chord. His wife had to deliver the baby all the while knowing it was already dead. They survived the ordeal and now have two wonderful little boys. We spent a LOT of nights just talking and sitting together. Both of them struggled with trying to have it make sense before finally just accepting it.

It has been four years and the pain is still as fresh as the day they found out, but they deal with it and keep living. It has brought them very close together, but it has the potential to tear a couple apart as well. Whatever you do, don't treat it like some unmentionable subject, never try to pretend it didn't happen, just be ready and willing to listen or talk as they need. Don't tell them you know how they feel, you won't and it will only aggravate them.

If they would like and when they might be ready, I would be happy to put Rhonda and John in touch with my friends. It really does help to have someone to talk to that has been through it and to see that you can get through it.

I will definitely keep them in my prayers, as well as you and Dawn. Please keep us posted regarding to her progress.

Adios,

 

[leadwolf]

I've been lurking on and off for a while, but this subject requires me to chime in. I want to offer my condolences to your friends and their family. My wife and I know what they went through.

Back in Sept. of 2002, my wife gave birth to beautiful fraternal twin girls. There was one problem. They were early...too early. The doctors told us before she gave birth that they would not be able to save the girls no matter what they did. We had to accept that. The girls were 16oz and 14 oz. when they were born. My wife held one and I held the other until they passed away. It was the most heart wrenching thing either of us had been through. To sit there and watch your child die in your arms and you can't do anything about it is the worst. We've cried many times since and I have tears in my eyes now. You never forget. Periodically we go to the cemetary and say hi to them and bring them flowers.

Didn't mean to bring doom and gloom, but I was going somewhere with this. Currently, my wife and I are the proud parents of a 4 and a half month old boy. He brings such joy to our lives and it just shows that things will work out. You can see him at http://www.firstdayhome.com. Click the family link followed by the Garrett link. Make sure you check out the Month 1 pics. When he was 3 weeks old, I got him autographs from Mike Larocco, Nathan Ramsay, and Kevin Windham.

Scott,

I'm sorry I haven't kept in touch and I hope Beth is doing fine with her pregnancy. Shellie and I do think about you guys despite our lack of contact.

Sincerely,

 

[Kidder]

Prayer

I pray for leadwolf and his loss and I also pray for gotdurt's wife's best friend. That is so sad.

Leadwolf, you and your wife are heroes whether you know it or not. To hold your children knowing what would happen is perhaps the bravest thing anyone can ever do.

God bless you.

And, God bless Gotdurt's friends, as well.

 

[Zapata]

Bummer...... My condolences to her, him and all the Family.

 

[Tourmeister]

Casey,

How are Rhonda and John doing? I just found out that someone else on our prayer list lost a baby at 5 months today. Beth is getting anxious for the baby to get here...

Adios,

 

[gotdurt]

It's hard to say. They joined a support group, and I think John seems to be moving on, the few times we've talked there was no awkwardness and he's in a good humor. Rhonda's a different story though. Dawn talks to her on the phone once or twice a week, and it's really awkward because Rhonda asks Dawn what's up and how things are going, and Dawn pretty much has nothing to say because it's all about the baby and Rhonda doesn't want to hear about that. The conversation always shifts to Rhonda's woes, and Dawn never knows how to end the call, she can't say "have a good weekend", because Rhonda always comes back with something to the effect of "how can I?". This is all very frustrating for Dawn, who desperately wants to maintain their friendship. They (John and Rhonda) say they are going to try again soon, though I'm not sure they're ready for it.

We know that anxious feeling... Toward the end the novelty of the pregnancy fades and you're just ready for him to come out! Especially for Mom. We also began to stress about the health of the baby due to the experiences of both of our best friends. It's hard to relax when you don't know what's going on in there.

 

[Chirpy]

We also began to stress about the health of the baby due to the experiences of both of our best friends.

And if that's not enough to worry about, my wife insisted on watching all those "Baby gone wrong" shows on cable, convincing herself that our baby had ALL those problems!

We had two miscarriages before Tori, and that was hard enough. Thoughts go out to the couple, and best wishes for the next...

 

[Tourmeister]

Yeah... Beth watches all those shows when I am not around, hehe. I just don't understand that :scratch I figure the whole mess is out of our hands and in the hands of the One that knows what He's doing. So I don't really worry about it.

That really sucks for Dawn and Rhonda. I know it may seem counter intuitive, but perhaps if Rhonda actually spent some time with the baby it might help. Yes, it would remind her of what she lost, but she might also come to love the baby and not necessarily associate him with pain. Our friends finally had two boys after losing their first daughter at 8-1/2 months into the pregnancy. Until they had the boys, it was really hard for them.

As hard as it is for Dawn, Rhonda really will need to be able to talk about her pain. Dawn doesn't have to provide solutions or fix it, just be there and listen. It is still a very fresh wound for them as it has only been a very short time since their loss. It has been almost four years for my friends and they still feel it as if it were yesterday. But they have learned to deal with the pain and keep living. I hope Rhonda can do likewise.

Interestingly, the hardest thing for them to bear after the loss was th unwillingness of other people to talk about the subject. People would talk about everything EXCEPT the loss of the baby. It was almost as if everyone was trying to pretend it never happened. This drove my friends nuts. They needed people to acknowledge the loss, not dismiss it. Without realizing it at the time, I would talk to my friend about the loss all the time, only later to find out I was pretty much the only person besides Beth that would talk to them about it. They really appreciated this and opened up to us about what they were going through. What a privilige it was for me to be able to be there for my friends and to help them even when I did not realize I was doing it! So encourage Dawn to hang in there, it is worth it.

Adios,