Let's leave the personal stuff out of this thread please...
Maybe I just don't know what I am missing, but I've never had a steering dampener on any of my bikes. The big GSs seem to do just fine in sand/gravel without them. My KLR felt a little squirmy relative to the big GSs at any speed or in sand/gravel, but I just got used to that feeling and never really worried about it. My KTM 530 EXC is much like the KLR in that respect.
When I first got the KLR, the front end felt like it was all over the place at any speed above 60mph. It turned out that the stem bearing was WAY loose AND the front suspension was so soft that it allowed the front to sit too low. If I shifted all my weight to the rear of the seat at higher speeds, it made a BIG difference. I pulled the front end off the bike, cleaned and inspected the stem bearings, reassembled and properly torqued the stem nut. That helped some, but the biggest improvement was putting new springs and slightly heavier fork oil in the front end. That raised the front end a bit and the bike became rock solid stable at any speed. It also helped with the excessive squirminess in sand/gravel. So getting the front end set up correctly DOES have a serious impact on how the bike will feel.
The KTM has never suffered from that excessive squirminess. I have ridden it in DEEP sand and DEEP river bed gravel and it was fine. You just have to realize it is not going to feel the same as running down pavement. As for pavement, the KLR (once fixed) and the KTM, both run great on pavement, even at "fun" speeds
Where I think a dampener would really make a big difference for ME is in the rocks. I'm talking about places like Big Bend Ranch, the deserts of Arizona, New Mexico, and Southern Utah, and in the Rocky Mountains. The few times I have had a problem and have actually gone down have been because my front end caught the side of a good sized rock and the hard deflection of the front wheel put me on the ground. So I would need it for that HIT to the front end instead of just the constant slow movement or wiggling. They're just so expensive...
For the original poster, I am wondering if his weight and size have something to do with the perceived front end issues? These bikes are not sprung for big people. If you weigh more than 200 lbs, you are likely not going to be real happy with the stock suspension. I would experiment with shifting your weight bike like I did when you are running the bike at 60+ mph. If that makes a noticeable difference, then it is likely you simply need more preload and perhaps stiffer springs up front. This keeps the front end from sagging excessively which affects the rake/trail of the front end and can cause that instability. New springs are not expensive or difficult to install. I did it on both my KLR and on my Vstrom 650 and it made a world of difference on both bikes. (For the record, I weigh about 185 lbs or so, maybe 200 all up with gear).